Hello my name is Rez. I'm the host of an autistic DID system age 21. We have ADHD and severe anxiety as well. A year ago, I was homeless in Norcal. Now I am going to a community college in South Utah but I still feel less safe then I've ever felt. I grew up in Hawaii. I was raised by two narcisists who gaslit every traumatic experience I had and convinced me I was fine. I was always passionate about music but forgot about that and buried myself in academia in high school. I managed to get into UC Berkely for physics. I was driven by self hate and the desire for "perfection." But the summer before my first semester, all of my issues came bubbling up. Among other things I came out to my family as transgender.... and got essentially just told that I was wrong. After getting such an unsupportive reaction and being told if I so much as joined an lgbt club they wouldn't pay for my tuition, my mental health rapidly deteriorated. Of course I thought about getting a scholarship but I quickly realized that the steps involved: becoming a legal independent, getting on your own insurance, applying... it was all too much since I couldn't even eat or sleep let alone go to class.  I medically withdrew and was medicated for bipolar that I didn't have and was coerced into an entirely unhelpful treatment center. My therapist and I couldn't have an actual conversation, because she was more interested in the ranty emails my narcisistic father wrote about his takes on what was going on with me, then on what I had to say. OCD became something to gaslight me with. "Your not trans, it's just OCD. You don't have sensory issues, it's just OCD. Tactile hallucinations and seizurelike symptoms? Phychotic anxiety. It's just OCD." Four months later, I left treatment with nothing on me. No money, no ids, i even sold my guitar for a plane ticket. I ended up sleeping in shelters or on the street, spending my days trying to get food. I couldn't even think straight enough to try to get my shit together. I thought that was my low point. But no, my low point was a few months later when I called my mother and begged for another chance to go back to treatment. A year later, I have learned enough about my mental health to be clear what was going on and what my limits were. Luckily, my therapist was decent enough to acknowledge that I am most likely on the spectrum and we later discovered together that I have DID. I'm 21, financially hanging on to anything my parents will give me -- paying for school classes or occasional groceries. I'm afraid to try to make it on my own again. I work part time and am in school part time but it's taking all of the life out of me. I dissociate constantly, have sensory overload or panic attacks every day. I keep losing people in my life because I don't know what appropriate human connection is suppose to be. I want to get on SSI, but my therapist won't diagnose me with the things she knows I have because my parents are paying her to basically not do that. I want to get on my own insurance but I need to stay on my parents insurance for my ADHD meds to get good grades in school. I have several close friends in Portland, and I've heard trans health care there is spectacular. But I don't want to crash with friends because I don't want to be a burden on someone else my age, in case I end up failing again.  For so long I've wondered why I'm not strong enough or don't have enough willpower to make it on my own in life. I feel like I'm trying 100x harder then everyone else and accomplishing 1/100th as much.  But that's what being disabled is. And I want to forgive myself, love myself, and find myself a support system that will actually help me. I have never gotten appropriate and professional mental health care for the issues I struggle with. I've been either in pain or numb every day for as long as I can remember. I want to live somewhere where I can make a life for myself that is peaceful and safe and conducive to finding my own meaning. I researched adult group homes in Portland and you guys looked amazing. If I could have a bed and a little guidance as a temporary support system while I save money, get on state insurance, get on medication I should be on etc, that would be amazing. best wishes-Rez